How it is now (being a swinger)

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Learning to catch the rhythms of me has taken a lifetime. As you may know I’m a pendulum swinger of the extreme variety and after all this practice there is no difficulty staying in the moment of focus at the busy exciting end of the swing. Intensity is built in out there. By the time amplitude’s fullness is reached (the coveted caesura), and intensity again noticed, it is an entirely different sort. I must recognize it all over again. Aye the rub.

At the quiet reach of my pendulum, I learn each time I’m there to stop the search for rhythm; there I don’t need to look, to organize, to move stuff. I remember I have brought what I seek with me and will not “find” it while looking. Looking and searching is too noisy, for the rhythm is the universal one of resting in quiet. Even the noise of searching may obscure it. I need to be very still.

Even the racket of a waiting mind may hide it. I need to be as quiet as a sally sinking in muck for a winter: no straining anticipation, no watching for visions, no interruptions to just being.

The rhythm is there and it echoes a quietly beating heart. Resting in the liminal space makes room for the ultimate force to be heard. And it is heard first in the heart.

Part of my nature was born the raucous two-year-old. And that obstreperous, bossy, wondering soul is never far from the surface. Such a being faces some serious learning in order to give space to a very opposite self and it has taken a lifetime for me to bring the two together. “Together” is perhaps a misnomer and hence the pendulum solution. It’s a way of going which seems suit over and over and accepting that is another hurdle to inner peace which took some practice to clear.

Now, because I’ve come this far in perception, how to proceed is the question as I want to use what I’ve learned and be less concerned with the learning of it. I’d like to use what bits I “know” about me to grasp the new; to just start here and let me be good enough to function as is and get on with it. (y’all hear that two-year-old speaking?) I give myself kudos for getting such a little firecracker to this point!

The point being?
That I am coming back, along the pendulum’s track. The stretching and yawning and blinking of the last months represents my spring which doesn’t conform exactly to the calendar.

What I’ve learned about the track (the amplitude or swing) is that it doesn’t represent a backtrack as I used to fear. In truth, I’ve never been this way before and it is more a switchback on this mountain or a hairpin in the river if you like. I can see where I have recently been and though a compass says I’ve been here before, really my path is a few degrees different by virtue of changes in me. What is the same provides the comforts of familiarity on the journey.

While I know the metaphor breaks a bit here, I am foremost a visual learner and it helps me understand my need for quiet and lots of it in an increasingly speedy world. The reality for me is that my bright pinging brain must rest and won’t seem to do so until the two-year-old is nearly hibernating. And that, being antithetical, must be imposed.

The season wheel has turned.2crows copy
I’ll see you in June.
Watch for me.

 

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1 Response to How it is now (being a swinger)

  1. pmatchie says:

    I will watch for you, Ginny. You and I are swinging at different geopoints on our planet. Yet we share the rhythm. Go good woman. Go girl. I’ll watch for you.

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